A little over a week ago I found myself sitting in a room of lovely women praying over our world, our nation, our leaders, our church leadership, our community groups, our relationships with others and our own fears. They asked me to pray at the end to wrap things up and the verses that we had looked over all night came to mind as I prayed. So I thanked God for who He is, our Father, our Protector, our Provider, our Healer and prayed specifically:
That we will rest knowing that "those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Psalm 34:10
That we would “cast all our anxieties oh Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
That we would "set our hearts on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2
That we "would seek to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly” micah 6:4
Little did I know that literally 168 hours later, my heart would need reminded of this night, this prayer, the character of the Father and the love of community. You see, I struggle with anxiety. Yesterday I was literally side swiped with fear and anxiety. It came out of no where. A word triggered it, from someone I don’t know, who doesn’t know me, and can’t even begin to understand how words can take me back in time and crush my soul. In fact, they didn’t even know I was listening.
The panic begins to build, making me lose logical thinking and reasoning skills. My heart races, my body stiffens, the fright that takes over is indescribable and makes me want to give up, give in or get out. I want to hide. I want to run. I want to sleep. I want to be anywhere, but I don’t want to be here in this moment. I fear this short term panic will lead to long term anxiety. Anxiety drains my soul. It makes me live in fear, always self protecting, always hyper-vigilant, never at peace.
I’m learning how to battle anxiety and panic. It’s hard. I can’t do it alone. Just like any battle, it takes a team to see victory on the horizon.
Thankfully, I have a husband who adores me. He holds me. He wipes my tears. He makes me talk. He won’t let me hide. I have a community of friends who pray for me, remind me that my Father in heaven is near, that He cares, and that He is with me. I have a church that reminds me of my identity in Christ often enough that it is becoming part of me. I cling to truths about who God says I am because of the God’s character and who I am in Christ. God reveals that He is trustworthy and sparks my heart to again trust in Him and what He says:
Because of Christ’s work, I am now a child of God (John 1:12; 1 John 3:1, 2)
Because of Christ’s work, I am adopted as his child (Eph. 1:5)
Because of Christ’s work, I am a son of God. (God is my “Father,” or “Daddy,” so to speak) (Rom. 8:14, 15; cf. Gal. 3:26, 4:6)
Because of Christ’s work, I am chosen and dearly loved by God (Col. 3:12; 1 Thess. 1:4)
Because of Christ’s work, I am secure (Eph. 2:20)
Because of Christ’s work, I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control (probably the Holy Spirit (ESV)) (2 Tim. 1:7)
Because of Christ’s work, I am safe from the evil one (I John 5:18)
Because of Christ’s work, I am protected (John 10:28)
Because of Christ’s work, I have access to the Father (Eph. 2:18)
Because of Christ’s work, I can approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)
Because of Christ’s work, I have a right to come boldly before the throne of God (the throne of grace) to find mercy and find grace in time of need (Heb. 4:16)
Because of Christ’s work, I am prayed for by Him (John 17:20-23)
Because of Christ’s work, I am not alone (Heb. 13:5)
Because of Christ’s work, I have hope (Eph. 1:12)
Because of Christ’s work, my heart and mind is protected with God’s peace (as I trust in Him and have thanksgiving (ESV)) (Phil. 4:7)
(This is from a Before and After List, an intern at my church Vintage21, developed after scouring the scriptures. This is a just a small portion of it. So thankful.)
And slowly, the panic leaves, the body relaxes as I begin to admit that self protection gets me no where, that hiding in fear only causes more pain and destruction and that God is bigger and closer to me that any of my fears.
Then peace comes and the truth of Isaiah 26:3 is found, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
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